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Thursday, September 28, 2000

So there's something that's been bugging me for a really long time. Why is it that so often when you walk into a public women's restroom, you find that some chick has tinkled all over the seat? I haven't missed the toilet since I was six. What's going on? It seems to have gotten worse in recent years. Or maybe I'm just getting more sensitive to it. All I know is that women have no excuse. Women pee sitting down. There's no aiming involved like there is with men. Still, I don't know how often I walk in and find splatters all over the seat. Here I am at Fluor, a huge corporate campus in a building full of professionals. This isn’t some filthy gas station bathroom on I-5. There are seat covers provided for the paranoid (though research has shown they have absolutely no protective effect). Still, I walk into the first stall a few minutes ago and find the seat has been splattered all over. Okay, so assume that this person is really paranoid and they don’t want to actually sit on the toilet. They’re doing the hovering crouch. Even still, how do they get the pee everywhere? My pee comes out in a nice little stream. To get as much splatter as these folks do, they must be doing some sort of aerobics or something while peeing, which is pretty impressive in a small little stall like that with your pantyhose around your knees. So this person gets done, wipes, and then turns around to flush. As they flush, they’ve gotta see that they’ve completely wet down the seat. But do they wipe it off? No, apparently not. I just don’t get it. I remember when I first started noticing this in college. At that point I thought it was just a kooky Berkeley thing I didn’t understand. But it wasn’t long before I started noticing it elsewhere. Too weird. Is this a paranoia about disease? If so, people just need to get over it. You can’t catch AIDS from a toilet seat! In fact, the aforementioned research on paper toilet seat covers concluded that if the seat was dry, then no bacteria could get to you whether or not you used a seat cover. If the seat was wet, the seat cover wouldn’t protect you since the bacteria would go right through and still reach your skin, but that your skin was the real protector. It has special antibacterial properties to keep out all those things we touch every day – including toilet seats! Oy!

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