Almost there...

Wednesday, August 01, 2001

So I've been having one of those weird days where I have to wrestle mindset and beliefs and the real world and what is going on amongst my friends and coworkers.

I'm in a totally monogamous committed relationship and I'm happy in it, but that relationship style isn't in my nature. I'm polyamorous by nature. One of my friends is currently experiencing her first moments in a poly sort of relationship with two people whom I love dearly. It has the potential to be really fabulous. Meanwhile, Monica and Paul, the poster children for happy polyamory recently (several months ago) broke up and Monica is living in a committed monogamous relationship with someone else. But PDH survives, and Emily is gleefully happy seeing David and the current set up of David, Jenny, and Matt plus Emily is working well for everyone involved. Then Kevin sends me this link to a discussion on kuro5hin. Anyway, it's all got my mind spinning about relationships and what is right for me. I'm really happy in my current relationship and I don't think anything is going to change any time soon, so I guess it's healthy to have these little mental check ins every now and then. It's just weird when the world seems to suddenly bonk you over the head and say, "It's time for you to review your position on X right now."

The one other weird detail that came out in all of this was a chart that Kev found about the relationship of the female suicide rate to the legalization of unilateral divorce. It's stunning what a direct correlation there is. In another chart, it also shows that the suicide rate decrease seems to match the rate of legalization by different states. It boggles the mind. I personally have such a hard time fathoming being "trapped" in a marriage, but there really was a time not all that long ago that this was a real issue. You were legally trapped. You couldn't just say, "I want a divorce!" and get a lawyer and have it be so. Both parties had to agree. It's just so hard to imagine. And women were more likely to get married back then too. Heck, I'd be an old maid (or maybe just a sinner who will rot in hell) by old standards. I wonder if I'll ever get married. I rather doubt it. I just don't cotton to the idea of being legally bound to another person. Isn't love binding enough? Isn't setting up a life together binding enough? For me, it definitely is.

So I guess the net result of all of this thought is that I should spend more time and energy being an advocate for sexual freedom since I believe in it so strongly. I should spend more time being an AIDS activist. I should spend more time being a women's rights activist. Or at least I should donate my tax refund to these very important causes.

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