Almost there...

Thursday, January 31, 2002

My project manager, Shirley said that she disagreed with their decision, but was bound by it. The reasons they gave her for not taking me on was that I seemed arrogant and not a team player.

Thinking back to the interview, I suppose my breathless arrival may have looked arrogant to the outside observer. I didn't arrive in a professional manner thereby implying that I'm so cocky I think I can get the job anyway. It probably set a bad tone for the interview as much as I'd feared. But dammit, I hate that my working hard trying to help my users translates to my not being a good fit for the team. I really feel the most sorry for my users. They're the ones going to get the short shrift. Come March 1st, I won't be supporting them anymore. Their only support will be Jo-Ann (the one member of my team who did make the cut) and there's just too many calls for her to cover them all. To date, she's answered 221 tickets. I've done 506, well more than twice the number she's done. The users are going to suffer. And that's the real bummer. I've worked to hard to keep them as happy as possible. There's been too many late nights spent here just to make sure that they get some sort of action on their request within 24 hours, even if it's just to say, "Hey, I'll call you tomorrow to walk through this, okay? Sorry for the delay."

Now I'm thoroughly demotivated. I'm having a hard time putting my heart into work when I know it's not going to be appreciated. The only thing that keeps me here is those users that I want to help. Otherwise, I would've gone home at noon. There's a big part of me saying "Aw, fuck it." and another big part saying, "Yeah, but it's not the user's fault, and they need you."

Fucking conscience. I hate it.

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