Almost there...

Saturday, February 02, 2002

Well, my knee looks like it will be fine. The doctor seemed to think that for some reason the knee cap moved sideways and pulled on some of the stuff to the right and yanked it.It feels a lot better today, so I suppose he's right.

Body is repairing, but soul is feeling weary. I'm mad at myself for letting myself think I was safe and valued at Stanford. I dove into doing the work rather than covering my ass. Now that openess has left me feeling quite surprised when the blow came.

I planned to do everything it took to get back to Europe this spring and to take Rick there for his first time. If I take a job on the Delphi team (which seems my only refuge since 2 other avenues are closed to me now), then I won't have time for a vacation until this time next year. Of course, I don't know why I thought things would be any different. I can't even get Rick to be bothered to get his passport.

It's almost hard to imagine now that I was momentarily perceived as arrogant. If their goal was to make me less arrogant, it sure worked. No arrogance, no confidence, no drive. I think I'll spend my day vegging in front of the TV.


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