Almost there...

Friday, April 05, 2002

Walking down the hallway at my mom's house on Sunday night, for some reason I paused to think about my Uncle Lee. Lee was my favorite uncle, and truly the only person in my family I felt any connection to as a kid. He was smart, witty, and had a wry sense of humor. He loved the finer things in life, and had a good grasp of the difference between what was really good and what was merely pretention. He encouraged me to do my lower division coursework at a community college and then transfer to a UC, and he was so right. He was a lover of art, music, film, and opera. He fed me my first Japanese food and my first chocolate mousse cake. I miss him terribly. Christmas is far more boring without he and John there. I was looking at a photo of him in the hallway. For some reason, it occurred to me just then that he was the only one in the family to have dark eyes. I paused for a moment, and reflected on my grandparents faces from this weekend. Yes, both of them have blue eyes. Thinking back to my high school biology class, it occurred to me just then that there's no way that Lee could be my grandfather's son. I crawled into bed and ruminated on it a bit more, thinking perhaps I had it backwards and blue eyes were dominant. Didn't seem likely though. I talked about it all with my mom the next morning. She said she wasn't sure herself, but that grandma's sister had said something years ago that had given her the same impression. I looked it up this morning, and sure enough, I remembered correctly. It's simply not possible for my grandfather to be Lee's father.

Suddenly I'm so curious, but I know I'll never get to ask, or if I did ask, I'd never learn the truth. My family are masters of not talking about those things which aren't to be talked about. We spent the whole weekend with my grandparents, and even though I've emailed them multiple times about their investment scheme (how it's a fraud and probably tax evasion as well), they have successfully ignored me about it, and it was not discussed at all this weekend, even though they've gotten into screaming matches about it with my mother. The whole barrier of things that are not to be discussed is a bizarre force field. Breach the field and you enter a realm of rage and impropriety that is startling, but walk back to the other side of the veil, and it's like the subject never came up. So weird.

Anyhow, it's a nice tidbit of history. I just really wonder if my grandpa knows, or has figured it out, or knew all along. And I wonder how he felt about Lee. And I wonder how it changed their relationship. And I wonder what my grandmother thinks and feels about it. But I'm just not going to ask. In the meantime, I miss Lee. He died 12 years ago this month, an early victim of the AIDS epidemic. He died too young.

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