Almost there...

Thursday, August 28, 2003

I've never been one to put much stock in astrology, but if I were, I'd start believing now. With Mars closest approach, I think the influence of the God of War has been heavy on me these last two days. Battles with friends have all been losing ones, no matter who is right or wrong or just opinionated. It's all just pain and heartbreak.

Brezny has this to say to me today:
"Do you think you'd enjoy being able to focus all your ambitions in one overarching dream? Can you imagine what it might be like not to feel your desires split in five different directions? While your predilection for versatility and vacillation isn't necessarily a bad thing, Gemini, it might be interesting at some point in your life to explore the ferocious pleasures of single-mindedness. It so happens that now is a perfect moment to launch such an exploration. Mars, the planet that rules willpower and determination, is currently expressing tremendous force in your astrological House of Total Commitment. There has rarely been a better time for you to stabilize your purpose and steel your resolve."

And that just about perfectly jives with how I'm feeling right now. Last night I found myself wishing more than anything that I had a real mentor to look up to and to guide me. I lost that from my life in 1990 when Lee died, and haven't found it again. Driving home last night I was actually wondering if putting an ad in a campus paper for a mentor might be useful. I'm not certain that's how I want to go about it, but we'll see. What I do know is that my multi-faceted priorties are starting to distill into focus on one driving priority. I'm doing a lot of psychological housekeeping this week and deciding what and who is really important to me in life and how that fits with my main priority. And I think I'm going to start work on a second degree. I just hope that I make the right choices. I've been living in a semi-contented state for the last few years, just dancing and working and watching television. Contentment has never suited me. I can't just relax and enjoy it. It's time for me to remember myself and pursue some higher good in the world. My personal desire has always been to achieve basic comfort for myself, and then to use the rest of my time and energy to make the world a better place. I think I've neglected the second half of that for too long. Time to work on it for a while.


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