Almost there...

Tuesday, March 23, 2004

Ordinarily, I'm not one to physically manifest stress. People always remark that my shoulders feel tight or whatever, but they always feel like that, and it rarely has anything to do with any particular stress at the time. I just have tight shoulder and back muscles, and a massage is always appreciated.

But oddly enough, for the second time, a conflict with HR and a conflict with Research Compliance at the same time has led me to have a weird nausea stress reaction. The first time this happened a month or so ago, I tried to rationalize it with consumption of bad leftovers, but now I'm thinking it really is stress. I nearly tossed my cookies about 10am this morning. I'm just now staring at my lunch thinking I might convince it to stay down. I feel like I'm channelling Christyn. Very very odd, and very disconcerting.

I am hating my job again today, yet I feel trapped an suckered in by the paycheck I've grown accustomed to. I'm also hemmed in by not having a bloody clue what I'd rather be doing. It has been said that most people lead lives of quiet desperation. I'm feeling that right now. I don't know what I'm capable of anymore or what I should be pursuing. I don't feel like I'm particularly good at anything special or useful. I feel like I've been waiting too long for a golden opportunity to present itself, knowing in my heart that the only people in this world who find golden opportunities are the ones who make create their own golden opportunities, and I don't know where to begin.

Perhaps I should rename"Almost there..." "Almost Where?".


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