Almost there...

Friday, March 05, 2004

Things are getting a little better at work. I'm hoping the bike has turned around and I'm pedaling back up the hill as best I can, even with two flat tires. One thing is certain - there was definitely a hormonal component at the height of it. I could tell I was reacting more than I needed to, feeling more emotional and beaten than I should, and knowing that I would bounce back eventually, but I just couldn't get it to happen until the body was willing. I started getting my ability to fight back exactly 12 hours before starting my period. I really wonder if I'm going to be a dramatically different person after menopause. I have to admit that on some level, I am ruled by my hormones, no matter how much I try to fight it. Much that I count as 'me' is strictly my biology. It's hard to reconcile that sometimes.

Anyway, the other thing that helped was talking to Shirley yesterday. She's hanging onto E-Protocols even though she has to release responsibility for all of her other stuff in the Project Office to take on the entirety of the Oracle Financials cleanup. This is a big relief. The other thing that brightened things unexpectedly was to hear that she'd been being a little passive-aggressive with Kathy and not calling her back about things that went down last Wednesday. She knew she was doing it. She knew it was a bad thing to do. She also knew that she didn't want to deal with Kathy. Somehow, it made me feel so much better to know that Shirley was being slightly juvenile about dealing with these people too. They really just push you to the limit. Shirley is always the height of professionalism. That Kathy and Research Compliance could get her to go to the point of not being totally professional made me feel a little better about how I'd reacted. Shirley is a fantastic mentor, and when the mentor gets thrown, it's nice to know they're human, and that you can't always be your very very best, and that you'll get through it. Even after all of this, she still respects me, and I still respect her. Even after I told her I'd been a zombie for a week, doing the minimum and leaving as early as I could, she said, "Good. That's the right thing to do right now." God bless her. I'm really going to miss her guidance on the other projects. At least I still get ten minutes a week alone with her walking back from our Friday morning meeting. That's the most valuable portion of the week for me.

And now, Friday Night Waltz! Tomorrow is a class in Transformative Learning, followed by the Crystal Ball in the evening. Sunday is all about sleeping in, and Paul's birthday party. Thank god it's Friday. I made it. I hope next week is better. The last two have been the worst work weeks I've had in a long long time. Funny that my life outside of work during the same period has been so good. Freakish even. Oy. Still I'm ready to get off the work rollercoaster for a while now. Really really ready.

P.S. The other thing that was really theraputic this week was this fun little flash game. The sound effects are perfect.


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