Almost there...

Monday, January 10, 2005

Grrr

I'm officially mad at my body. Over Dickens season, I generally lose somewhere between 4-8 pounds. Not this year. Just as much dancing. Just as much effort. No weight loss. Okay, well, technically, one pound, which was dutifully gained back over the Christmas holiday.

So I figured, back to work last Monday, and what a great time for a dietary change. I already get far more exercise than the average desk monkey, so clearly I'm just eating too much. I stuck to my Weight Watchers points, guarding myself against eating more than 20 points a day, even though I was allowed up to 23. I eschewed even my favorite treats in the office. I did really well. I stayed on target all the way through to Saturday. So Saturday before the ball, I weighed myself again before slipping into my ball gown. I figured I'd be down a pound or two, or maybe even just breaking even. Nope. I GAINED TWO POUNDS!!! This is after weight training Monday and Wednesday, dancing Thursday and Friday and on my way to more dancing on Saturday night. I checked again Sunday. Nope, that was for real.

Let's just say I didn't hold back at the ThanksMasKa dinner Rachel served. If I'm going to be relegated to being fat anyway, then by god, I'm going to enjoy the turkey when it's served.

I'm back to eating responsibly today, but far less hopeful about the outcome. Will I really spend the rest of my life over 150 pounds? Should I just give up now and get rid of favorite old dresses? I'm just not quite willing to give up yet, especially looking at photos of myself this year and wondering when I became a fat chick. I can fight the trend, but clearly my body is not looking to partner with me on this task. One more week on this tack, and then I may try a different approach. Lisa has had unbelievably fabulous results via Atkins, and though I'd sooner give up almost anything before giving up good bread, I may be willing to compromise and try it finally. I don't care if I make it all the way back to 127 this year, but please don't let me exit 2005 still over 150! I've got a ball gown I so want to wear again.

6 Comments:

  • You aren't a fat chick, and neither of those photos makes you look like one. (I have some professional pride in the second one, but Rachel's doesn't do that to you, either.) Look at your arms in the picture I took, and look at the upper arms of other women I've taken pictures of - both those who you think are more and less heavy than you, proportionally.

    One thing to look at - how much of your weight is muscle? If you've been exercising and working out a lot, you'll be converting fat to muscle, which will add weight without really changing size.

    Lastly, I've heard good things about Atkins (GregD lost a bunch of weight quickly on it), but also some cautions. Ellen gave me the biochemistry lecture on Atkins; I'd be happy to try to summarize it for you.

    By Blogger Anthony, at 3:37 PM  

  • You know, the first time I saw that second photo, I thought "rawr.. Ammy looks /hawt/." Now, I'm the kind of guy who thinks that curves are the wonderful things that separate the women from the girls. And, well, you got em.

    It's always a good thing to take care of yourself and get in better shape - but, you know the math: take in fewer calories than you burn, exercise and boost your metabolism and you will make a difference... it's just a matter of time. The only real factors are time and will. (heh, in the meantime you've got 10x the stamina I have on the dance floor)

    Anyway. I'm sure you didn't mean for everybody to post pep talks at you.

    I just thought I'd post to say I thought you were a hottie. For, um, whatever that's worth.

    By Blogger Xavier, at 5:37 AM  

  • Umm... sweetie... you know how much I'm occasionally jealous of you? You may not hear it, 'cause it is about you, but I can name many men [and women] who think you are exceedingly attractive. Being not you and attracted to most of these people, I hear it. I have *never* heard anyone but you use "fat" or "overweight" in reference to you. Gorgeous, beautiful, hot, sexy, attractive, pretty, cute, etc. Those I've heard more times than I can count. I really think this isn't something you should stress about. The points about exercising and fat to muscle are good.

    And I *hate* Atkins. I trust that you would follow it safely, but there are many ways that are not safe and it is, at best, a temporary diet, not a life change.

    By Blogger Zhaneel, at 9:33 AM  

  • Hey,

    I suppose I could just say "well other people already said what I wanted to say, so if I post it will just be repetitive" but what's the fun in that ?

    Fat to muscle, sounds like a good point, especially if you are weight training. Some places have really fancy scales where they weigh you on land and in water and it determines how much is fat, if you really want to go that route. I don't know if it's worth the trouble. Also I have heard the same about Atkins as other people. If you do that, make sure you balance your fats, with regards to Omega-3 vs Omega-6 as too little Omega-6 over a long period can lead to mood problems

    By Blogger Chris S, at 1:20 PM  

  • Ah, chica. Be patient. Be consistent with your weight training and dancing, and be honest with yourself. How much has your weight changed in the last several years? When was the last time you actually weighed 127? I seriously doubt that is a reasonable or useful goal for you. If it's generally stayed pretty consistent, I think it's time to start getting positive about yourself and just focus on exercise. It takes time for changes to show, and pounds on the scale are not a very useful indicator when you are exercising. Pay attention to your strength, your endurance, and your tone. How do you FEEL? Just FEEL, not "Feel about yourself when you look in a mirror." If you're feeling pretty healthy, go with it. Eat healthy, exercise, BE HAPPY. Don't make yourself miserable.

    I weigh 8 pounds more than I did four years ago (158 vs 150). I don't know why my weight has changed, but with my recent increase in exercise, I haven't lost ANY OF IT. I have to be realistic about what is going on, not get depressed about a stupid number on a stupid scale. Instead I'm feeling happy that I can dance a whole bunch of dances at Plough and when finished I'm not tired, just hot and sweaty.

    Now this is not to say that I don't have occasional bouts of feeling "festively plump," and I totally understand you having those sorts of days. Everybody has different glasses they look at themselves with. But the bigger point is to have a realistic and healthy outlook over the long term.

    I don't know if you really want any of this feedback, but there it is. *hugs*

    By Blogger BlackSheep, at 2:17 PM  

  • Since I've taken the time to log into this, I figured I ought to chime in here as well.

    On reading this entry, my train of thought went something like this:
    "You are so NOT fat! Not at all! I mean, no, really... ::sniff sniff:: What's that smell? OHMYGOD, why is the cat on fire...?!"

    Which simultaneously explains both my feelings on the matter, and why I didn't post earlier. Qwerty is fine, by the way, and now knows that the pretty glowy things in the bathroom are not to be walked over.

    By Blogger Lady Kalessia, at 8:49 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home