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Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Ghetto Night at the Movies

The local cheapie theater in Milpitas is great. They've always got good soda, fresh popcorn, a nice selection of movies, and tickets for $3. It's great. We go there often since it's just about as cheap as renting a movie, and it's a nice evening out of the house.

Tuesday night is extra super cheap night - just $1.50 for all tickets. This brings out the dregs of humanity. Usually, I'm busy on Tuesday nights, or remember that that's not a good night for the cheapie theaters.

But heck, they were showing Constantine, and I forgot that it was Tuesday. On the way, I remembered the badness, but hoped for the best.

In the row in front of us, a teeny bopper played with her very bright Nokia phone throughout the movie. I leaned over after about 30 minutes and asked her to turn it off because it was very bright. She made a mild grunt. About ten minutes later, I noticed her actually making a phone call. I leaned over again, about to say something else, trying to decide if I would actually take it from her in full teacher-mode, and when she noticed my presence, she said, "Oh, I gotta go." and hung up. She actually put it away and watched the movie after that. Good girl.

But then about four seats down from her was the older couple who came in 20 minutes late. The gentleman plowed through his giant bag of popcorn in about 30 minutes, and then proceeded to start wiping out the inside of his bag with his hand, scooping the last remaining particles of popcorn and salt into his mouth, ruffling the paper bag like a cat with a toy, and ultimately culminating with his licking the fake butter from each of his fat fingers with a sharp smacking noise as he reached the end of each finger. This drew shushes from others in the audience, but somehow, having known I'd walked into ghetto night at the movies, I was just amused as could be.

Constantine wasn't bad. Sure, Keanu Reeves still can't act his way out of a wet paper bag, but this didn't take much from him, and the rest of the story was good Catholic mysticism schtick, so it wasn't bad. But the floor show at the theater - that was great. Had me laughing all the way home.


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