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Thursday, December 14, 2006

"She won't take much more of this!" -- Scotty

There comes a point every year where I start to lose cohesion. Ordinarily I can keep it all in my head - all the events and dependencies and things I have to do and things I have to bring and so on. My lifestyle pretty much depends on my being able to keep this swirling matrix in focus. But every year, right about this time, I lose it.

Yesterday I came to work without my computer. It was still sitting cheerfully on my desk at home where I was using it to print out recipes the night before. So home I went again to collect it.

I did remember to bring some cookies for a former building-mate I was having lunch with at noon. Well, I remembered to bring them to work. Then I bicycled over to the Treehouse for lunch, got all the way there and then remembered the cookies were on my desk. Le sigh. Back I went.

Last night driving home, I figured that if I went and picked up my new glasses tonight, I could get them, come home, fold laundry, move the hooks on my Dickens skirt and still get to bed at a vaguely reasonable hour. This morning I rose and got dressed thinking all I really needed to focus on today was my 2:00 meeting. Be ready for that, be ready to answer all the questions, and then wrap it up and head home. Good plan.

Only tonight is the department Christmas party. I completely forgot. I'm dressed in orange and black. I had been thinking yesterday morning about wearing a red sweater, but that completely left my head.

And there's just too much to do and not enough time to do it in and still sleep. It's that sleep part that keeps getting short-changed, which is possibly why I'm all scattered, except that I do that other times of the year, and don't end up with these results. I guess Dickens Fair just eats my brains. This is something I've been long familiar with, but every year I think, "I'm planning for this. It will all be fine. It will be smoother this year. I have years of experience with this." And every year I end up completely blundering through the weeks between the third weekend and Christmas.

Anyway, I'm much looking forward to feeling competent again. I know it'll come back, probably in January. But right now, I don't trust me. Trouble is, everyone else still does. They don't know I'm not as bright and capable as normal. I hate to risk disappointing them.

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